How to Recover from a Setback or Loss

Disappointments and tragedies are a part of the ebb and flow of life but few know how to recover from them. Sometimes major setbacks or losses can really keep us from moving forward in life. If we allow them to, sudden and unforeseen tragedies can cloud our brain and make us unable to envision hope or possibility for a positive future.

When it comes to dealing with a loss of a loved one, an unexpected financial or health related setback or a series of multiple disappointments at once, we can become so discouraged and clueless about what move to make next because we may have thought that we were originally on the right path before the rug was swept from beneath us.

Now I have been through my fair share or disappointments, losses and setbacks and even battled anxiety and depression and won. So this week I wanted to offer my readers some tips to help you recover from a setback or loss.

How to Recover in 5 Easy Steps

Step 1: Allow Yourself time to Feel those Emotions

Trying to put on a facade to bottle up or suppress those emotions wont do anybody any favors because they will only resurface later on in your life until to face them and address. Its better to allow that feeling of pain or hurt flow through your body and recognize that these feelings are normal and are part of the grieving process. Allowing yourself time to feel those emotions will help you validate those feelings.

Yes experiencing losses hurt. Yes you had great plans and expectations. Yes you may have really loved that person… or you may have even really disliked that person and was never given the chance to have the satisfaction of closure. Recognize these feelings and understand how these emotions are making you feel or show up in the world. When you are able to do this, you are able to make a choice: do you allow these feelings or emotions to continue to dictate your life? Or do you allow yourself to feel these emotions and choose to press forward into victory or breakthroughs?

Step 2: Recognize that Setbacks or Losses are a Part of Life

If you have been alive long enough to pay your own taxes, then you should know that life isn’t fair. Setbacks or losses are a part of life. But it takes some dark days to appreciate the brighter days. And it takes some stressful or tragic situations to bring out the best in you.

If you have a difficult time accepting the loss of a loved one, try to imagine how they would want you to live your life? Would they want you to live your life mourning over them while you let opportunities go by? Or would they want you to move on and do great things in honor of them?

If you are having a difficult time accepting a major setback in life, try to understand that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. Do parents always give their child what they want even if what they want is harmful or less than what they are qualified to receive? Sometimes setbacks happen because we are meant for more.

Other times setbacks happen because we need to learn a lesson. And sometimes we will never learn to change our ways unless something shakes up our world and gives us a big reality check. This is never anything to feel bad about though. Sometimes we are asleep to our good and need to wake up to take action.

Step 3: Take Inventory of Your Emotions & Separate Fact from Fiction

Once you are able to pinpoint your emotions and what ideas or thoughts are contributing to those feelings, you will then be able to separate fact from fiction in order to gain more control and to find areas in your life to take action for improvement. For example, if you suffered another big disappointment at work after dropping the ball on a big project, you may think the following thoughts:

• I must not be good at my job
• I am so careless and dumb
• I can never remember to double check the final product before presenting

Now true enough, all of these feelings are coming through may be valid emotions after getting another disappointing review, but are they all true? You can take these thoughts and separate fact from fiction like so:

• “I must not be good at my job”-
  • Would you have even been hired for this position if you weren’t qualified? Would you really be bad for that position if your boss keeps giving you opportunities to prove yourself? This is fiction. Your perception of failure is making your feel inadequate however
• “I am so careless and dumb”
  • Again, most jobs would not hire a person if they knew they were careless or incompetent. Mistakes happen. Could there have been other factors that were at play that could have taken your attention away from the final product? Did you get a gut feeling to double check your work that you ignored? Again, this statement is fiction
• “I can never remember to double check the final product before presenting.”
  • Now this statement is the only factual statement because it actually expresses something that is true and not an opinion. Now if your forgetting to double check the final product before presenting is the ultimate problem that keeps you getting disappointing feedback at work, then this is fact. The good news however is that this can be changed. Fictional statements, such as the previous opinions of inadequacy or incompetency are hard to be changed unless you are able to find tangible things (such as this factual statement) to make adjustments on.

When you are able to separate fact from fiction, then it makes it easier to find the motivation to make changes to move forward in life.

Step 4: Recall Your Strengths or Achievements

Going through setbacks or losses in life can really be draining mentally, emotionally and physically. Although it may be nice to hear kind words of motivation from others, recognizing tangible proof of your current strengths or past achievements can elicit a stronger desire within to pick up the pieces to move on. Internal motivation is always more powerful than external motivation.

If you recently went through a loss of a loved one, then try to find the silver lining in the situation. Maybe that person was suffering and is finally at piece? Maybe this person’s passing is just the start of a turn of events that will motivate you to do great things in life?

Are you afraid to pick up the pieces and try again after a major setback? Recall your past achievements to remind your of why you are qualified and capable to go after your dreams.

Step 5: Create a Game Plan or Strategy

Once you separate your facts from fiction and build your faith and motivation by recalling your strengths and past achievements. You can build more motivation to pick up the pieces in your life by making a solid game plan or strategy to move forward.

• Dream again a set a goal to move forward to live the life that you want to live… or a life that your loved one would be proud to say they motivated you to live. Use your fictional statements to recognize where you dropped the ball and create a plan to prevent that from happening again.
• Join a support group or get an accountability partner to help you on days when you want to give up.
• Write a list of reasons of why you will succeed this time.
• Create an end goal prize that you will give yourself once that goal is achieved and create smaller prizes you will award yourself when you pass certain milestones along the way to keep you motivated during the journey.

Life is too short to keep your life on pause or to play it small because of setbacks or losses that happened along the way. They are a part of life and although they may hurt, they should not stop you from dreaming or doubting your capability to achieve your heart’s desire. If you need help recovering from a setback or loss, or if you need help creating a game plan or strategy to get your life back on track then let me know, I offer services  to help you live a life worth living. I hope this helps.

In Good Health,
Amber Stew BS,
Holistic Nutritionist
Certified Master Life Coach
ACSM Exercise Physiologist,
CTNC Mental Health Specialist
TBMM Corrective Exercise Specialist