Emotional Labor: The Hidden Roadblock to Your Fitness Goals

 With all the challenges women face during midlife, do you ever find that your motivation for exercise and eating well just kind of… fizzles out? For busy professionals, entrepreneurs, essential workers, and active retirees, balancing work, family, and personal well-being is a constant juggling act. The struggle to prioritize health and fitness isn’t just about time constraints—it’s also about emotional labor, an invisible burden that drains the energy needed to focus on personal wellness. In this blog, I am going to explore what emotional labor is, how it impacts your fitness goals, and what you can do to alleviate its effects.

What is Emotional Labor?

Emotional labor refers to the mental and emotional energy required to manage responsibilities, relationships, and expectations. It involves regulating emotions—both our own and those of others—which can be exhausting. While the term is often associated with women, anyone in a high-stress role, caregiving position, or leadership role can experience its effects. It can be difficult to pinpoint because it is so ingrained in societal expectations that we may not even recognize how much effort it truly requires—for both women and men.

Here are some situations that demand emotional labor in women:

• In the workplace: Managing difficult customers, tending to the emotional needs of a coworker, client, or employee.

• In social scenarios: Taking your day off to help a friend move, remembering a loved one’s birthday, taking them out for a drink/meal to talk if they’re upset.

• In personal relationships: Making someone dinner, giving advice on landlord issues to a friend.

• In public spaces: Ensuring one’s reactions are measured in stressful social situations to avoid negative consequences.

• In the home: Mediating between arguing children.

• In the workplace (for women): Being assertive, but not too loud or straightforward (they might be labeled as “bitchy”).

• In social scenarios: Having clothing choices picked apart and labeled (too frumpy, not appropriate for their body type).

• In public spaces (for women): Making sure not to show a strong reaction to street harassment (positive response and she’s asking for it, negative response and she’s ungrateful and ugly—both of which may put her at risk of physical threat or assault).

How Emotional Labor Impacts Your Fitness Goals

When emotional labor takes up significant mental bandwidth, it can manifest as physical exhaustion, burnout, and decreased motivation—all of which make it harder to prioritize workouts, meal prepping, and self-care. Here are some specific ways emotional labor can derail your fitness journey:

• Decision Fatigue: By the end of the day, making one more choice—like what to eat or when to exercise—feels overwhelming.
• Burnout: Managing high-pressure work environments or caregiving responsibilities leaves little energy for personal wellness.
• Lack of Recovery: Emotional exhaustion affects sleep quality, stress levels, and muscle recovery, making it harder to see progress.
• Guilt and Self-Neglect: Many high-achievers put others first, leaving little time or energy for their own fitness routines.

The Consequences of Emotional Labor Include:

• Fatigue
• Burnout
• Emotional exhaustion
• General dissatisfaction
• Depersonalization (sense of detachment from others)
• Diminished sense of personal achievement

Emotional Labor Isn’t Just Emotional—It’s Physical Too

Although the phrase “emotional labor” sounds like it is exclusively related to emotions, it can absolutely be physical. Emotional labor is the compilation of both the exhausting emotion-related work that individuals do every day and the actual physical work and tasks they are “responsible” for—all of which can be especially draining on a person’s emotional, mental, and physical capacity.

Let’s Look at an Example:

Women are often expected to do the emotional labor of maintaining relationships with family members. This doesn’t sound that hard at first, but it entails a lot more than just phone calls, sending texts, and showing up for a visit. Emotional labor required to maintain familial relationships includes (but is not limited to):

• Coordinating calendars and arranging regular visits with grandparents, siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews.
• Physical housework such as cleaning in preparation for visits.
• Getting children dressed.
• Driving to and from visits.
• Managing the schedule for holidays and other special occasions.
• Planning and executing having people over for holidays and other events, and all of the work it takes to prepare for those events such as cleaning, shopping, and food preparation.
• Deciding on and buying gifts, and making sure those gifts are wrapped and ready for said holiday or special occasion.
• Getting holiday photos taken to send out to family and friends.
• Keeping everyone’s address, email address, and phone number up to date.
• Writing an “update about the family” to put on holiday cards and mailing them out on time.
• Planning travel itineraries, budgeting for, and making reservations for extended family vacations or getaways and making sure those don’t conflict with anything else the family has going on, as well as packing and making sure the kids have everything they need for the vacation.

In this one example, you can see how “emotional labor” translates into endless physical labor, requiring significant physical, mental, and emotional effort simply because the woman has the “emotional labor” responsibility of maintaining family relationships. And although many of those tasks seem like minor or mundane things, they add up.

Other Examples of Emotional Labor Turning into Physical Labor Include:

• Deciding on, prepping, and cooking meals, as well as cleaning up afterward.
• Grocery shopping and putting away groceries.
• Scheduling their own or their family’s medical (or other) appointments, and noticing when said appointments are even needed.
• Cleaning out closets, clothes, and seasonal gear shopping.
• Making lunches for children, themselves, or their partner.
• Supervising homework.
• Finding, budgeting for, and following through with extracurricular activities.
• Feeding, walking, exercising, and caring for pets.
• Taking responsibility for caring for aging parents (day-to-day care, making meals, managing health care and appointments, managing finances, etc.).

Turning Awareness into Action

Recognizing emotional labor’s role in your fitness struggles is the first step. The next is implementing strategies to lessen its impact:

• Automate and Delegate – Reduce decision fatigue by planning workouts in advance, using meal delivery services, or hiring a coach to take the guesswork out of fitness.
• Set Boundaries – Prioritize your health by scheduling non-negotiable workout times and setting work-life boundaries.
• Practice Self-Compassion – Acknowledge that progress isn’t linear and celebrate small wins along the way.
• Incorporate Stress Management – Activities like meditation, breathwork, and quality sleep can counteract emotional fatigue and enhance recovery.

Unresolved Trauma Can Create a Cycle of Emotional Labor

Unresolved trauma can create a cycle where individuals become unconsciously addicted to emotional labor. When someone has experienced trauma, they may develop a heightened sense of responsibility for managing emotions—both their own and others’. This often stems from a need for control or a deep-seated fear of conflict and abandonment. Over time, engaging in emotional labor can become a coping mechanism, a way to feel useful, needed, or even safe. The exhaustion and burnout that result may feel familiar, reinforcing the pattern rather than breaking it. Recognizing this cycle is key to setting boundaries and reclaiming emotional and physical well-being.

How Emotional Intelligence Mediates Emotional Labor

Emotional intelligence plays a key role in managing emotional labor. It allows individuals to navigate complex interpersonal situations with greater ease, reducing stress and fatigue. Here’s how emotional intelligence helps:

• Self-awareness: Recognizing your own emotional limits and setting boundaries before burnout occurs.

• Self-regulation: Managing emotional responses to reduce stress and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

• Empathy: Understanding others’ emotions while maintaining your own mental and emotional health.

• Social skills: Communicating effectively and resolving issues without excessive emotional strain.

The Path Forward

If you’re struggling to stay consistent with your fitness goals, it may not be a lack of willpower—it could be emotional labor taking its toll. By identifying where emotional exhaustion is holding you back and implementing strategies to ease the burden, you’ll free up the mental and physical energy needed to invest in your well-being. If you found this discussion helpful, be sure to check out my next blog, 5 Key Signs of Unresolved Trauma, to explore deeper ways unresolved emotional experiences may be affecting your health and well-being. I hope this helps. 

In Good Health,
Amber Stewart BS,
Holistic Nutritionist
Certified Master Life Coach
ACSM Exercise Physiologist
CTNC Mental Wellness Specialist
TBMM Corrective Exercise Specialist